Friday, April 15, 2011

I'm alive!

Wow. I have been coasting for sure...I do have valid "excuses" of course...but you know, excuses suck. Even though I have felt like crap - I STILL could have eaten right!

So...that is that.

Thankfully I gained only 0.8 of a pound...but I need to get the heck out of the 190' work harder this week.

I have to get back to biking...get my basement under control and make room for a treadmill. I really want to do the Couch to 5k Program...but I need a treadmill first. Yes, I know I can run anywhere...but working full time and 2 children who are 4 and can't just go run whenever treadmill it is.

I want to show myself I'm going to BIKE and EXERCISE daily before I invest in the treadmill. I know I want it...but I need to get myself in the habit before I spend $$ to have a clothes hanger, you know? That may sound dumb...but it's the truth. I know me.

The weekend is upon me. It's gonna be a busy one but I'm looking foward to it being lots of fun!!

Happy Friday!! Here's to another week on the healthiness journey. Let's make it a good one. :)

PS - Have remained 100% faithful to my no pop and no candy Lent promises. SO proud of myself! :) :)

Monday, March 28, 2011


A few things that happened I'm proud of.

1. My weight this a.m. was 195.2. That was WHILE being bloated. I could see my hands were swollen from not enough I'm hoping to see 194 tomorrow!!!! I kept my weight down over the weekend! YAY ME!

2. I RAN on the treadmill this weekend! I am dying for a treadmill...and there is one at my parents house. I got up Sunday morning...and went downstairs to try and brave it. I want to do the Couch to 5K program once I get a 'mill at home. Anyway, I decided I was gonna RUN baby! So...I walked a 1/4 mile to warm up, then started running. I ran 1/8, walked 1/8 of a mile over and over...I was SO proud I could run that far (don't laugh...that's far for me!)

I am feeling the "run" in my hips today though. The muscles on the front of my hips and sides...but it's a GOOD my body is saying "ahhh that is nice"! :) The whole time I ran I kept saying in my head..."you can do can do ANYTHING you set your mind to!"

Here's to a great week of wise decisions and lots of moving! Happy Monday!

Friday, March 25, 2011

Plugging or is that Chugging Along?

Either way. I'm doing it.

Had a fan-freaking-tastic week. I have been eating like a champ, guzzling water like a fool, and even riding my bike. Everything together at once really works, you know?

Go figure.

Last week I chose to bury my head in the sand instead of post my weight. I was BACK up to 197. I was mad, but I had no one to blame but myself. I know what I did. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted, AS MUCH as I wanted. Stupid when you're trying to lose weight I suppose. I hate getting in that mindset. Thankfully, I seem to get that way less and less...and my "healthy" stretches get more and more often, for longer periods of time! Yay me! I think I'm getting it!

And...get this...

It's been a TWO AND A HALF WEEKS and I haven't had diet pop OR candy/chocolate!!!

Miraculous, really. showed a great loss of -2.0 which really is only a -0.6 from my lowest weight this year...but I'll take it. I realized this is the lowest weight I've been in over a year and THAT is something to be proud of!

On to a great weekend with the Hubs and Kids!

Happy Friday, peeps!

Oh yeah I did.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

I'm here! :)

Should let so much time go by without saying something, anything...but I just don't have anything earth shattering to report.

Should I just be typing my feelings? Even when they seem to be the same feelings over and over and...well...over?

I was talking to the lovely and talented Jen yesterday. I was wondering about something. Where does the "root" of my issue come from? Sure, the people in my family weren't the healthiest growing up. I come from a family that loves food. But I remember as a kid...playing outside ALL day. Running, biking...and running some more. I loved it. Around 5th grade I started to pudge up...6th grade even more so. I found particular moments in my life where I realized I had a problem.

Sometime around 5th-6th grade:

. My uncle who I hadn't seen in a while (who by the way is an illiterate piece of white trash child molester - just sayin') says to me upon seeing me, "boy you're getting kind of fat aren't you?" I remember being horrified, angry and just plain hurt. Even at that age I thought WHAT? Who is HE to say anything to me about how I look? But most of just hurt. I was what, 11 or 12?

. A teen in our youth group (older prob 17ish...cute...and deaf) was at our house for a youth party. I saw him signing with my aunt. He looked at an older family picture of me. He signed to her thin (pointing at the pic), then FAT and "what happened?". He was smiling/laughing at this. Making fun of a kid...nice. This was especially humiliating because I thought he was cute. REALLY cute. Broke my heart...and dang, just hurt. Even know typing this I can feel the hurt and humiliation.

. Sixth grade playground. I was on the tire swing...and another boy made a comment about me being fat. I remember slugging good for me on that one...but still. Hurt, embarrassment...anger.

The question did these things mold me into what I am today? And MOST importantly how do I "fix" it.

I know that I am loved. I have the most amazing, loving husband a girl could ever ask for. I've said in the past how he finds me beautiful and attractive no matter what weight I am at. That is a miracle to me. I don't understand it, but I sure am thankful. Even more important than my husbands love...I have the Father's love. I read scriptures and KNOW that He loves me deeper and stronger than anyone else ever could. Yet, I choose to look to other things to fill my "holes" in my heart.

I know this journey is about healthiness...but I also know my issues aren't solved by being a nice, healthy weight. I'd like to pretend they will be. I mean geez, being THIN? How can life be BAD at that size??

But then I remember...I remember being thin. I never thought I was beautiful or attractive. I wasn't self confident. I had a boyfriend yet cringed at the thought of him seeing my body without clothes. I was never comfortable in a bathing suit, etc.

Self worth. I know it's all tied in there somewhere. I know that the Lord is where my worth lies, in Him. Through His grace and mercy and love.

Self control. Another biggie. I was reading in Made to Crave about gluttony. Eating too much (like the 5 rice krispie treats I ate Tuesday night in one sitting - sigh...) at one time is a sin. We pretend it isn't...I mean it's just FOOD right? But isn't a person who drinks so much alcohol they become an alcoholic and destroy their body sinning? Truly? What about the drug addict? We as Christians tend to easily put labels on those people as needing the Lords deliverance...from overindulgence...yet we have our dinners and potlucks and keep eating. Destroying OUR bodies...yet not even seeing that we, too...are sinning.

Anyway, those are things that the Lord is showing me in this journey. I need to take them to heart. I need to live these things daily. Remember why I'm doing this...and keep drawing near to the Lord to help me fill the holes with His love. His acceptance. Not food.

Weight: 196.2 (grrrr...)

Friday, March 11, 2011


No, I'm not Catholic...but some years I do give up something for lent.

This year as part of my "self control" theme I picked to "give up" two things. And hopefully it will "transform my world..." ;)

1 thing that's not BAD for me per say...and 1 thing is something I don't need at all.

Diet pop (or and candy. Candy = anything chocolate, or candy-like.

Diet pop is calorie free...but I know it's not healthy either. I've also heard it contributing to "bloating". I dunno if that's true or not...but figure I could stand to drink more water anyway. As for the candy...I tend to grab it in the evenings for NO reason. The kids have a candy bowl. I will grab things I don't even LIKE just to be munching on something. Stupid, pointless calories that my body doesn't need. Or my teeth for that matter! ;) three and we're on our way. Feeling good about "denying the flesh" of these things. I know it will only help me on my healthiness journey.

Had a nice loss today of -1.8. If only it wasn't just taking back what I gained last week....we'd have a winner. ;)


Why is it I can seem to only do one part of healthiness or the other? Last week I did great with biking...but would munch on junk here and there...

This week? Eating fabulous...pumping water...and NO BIKING?

Man, if I could get those things together we'd be rockin', wouldn't we?

Happy Friday! Yay for a loss!!

Monday, March 7, 2011


Ignoring the gain didn't help.

I gained weight for Friday's weigh in. I slacked on eating. DID NOT DRINK MY WATER daily. top it off I ate pizza the night before weigh in. Really? Pizza?

I see so many conflicting opinions on how to go about losing weight. I tend to go back and forth like the wind blows trying to figure out what I should do. How I should do it and on and on and on...

A part of me knows I tend to "rebel" when on a strict eating plan. A part of me thinks I need a strict eating plan.

Losing weight is burning more calories than you take in. Simple math, right? Eat less. Make better choices. Move more.

On the side bar you see every third week I show a gain. This corresponds with my lovely "friend"...but is frustrating nonetheless. A pattern I need to break.

I'm here. I am getting into my getting up early to bike groove. I actually enjoy those days more! Getting up, doing that...feeling accomplished when I start my day. I really would like a basic treadmill another morning option. I would LOVE to try the couch to 5k program but KNOW I would never run outside where "people could see". I'm just not that comfortable. But someday I will be.

There is my jumbled mess of thoughts. On a good note, we have our dinners planned this week and I got our groceries bought at lunch time. That makes things easier! :)

Happy Monday.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011


Why is the journey to health like that? Is it just me? Are you really UP and ON IT or totally "meh" about it?

This is my life. I dislike it greatly. I know a person can't be HAPPY about being healthy all the time. Sometimes, the logistics and just thinking about it are irritating. This is life, right? The question do you press on and press through when you feel like this?

No, I haven't gone off the deep end and been horrible or anything. I admit I haven't biked this week. And I NEED to. This may be part of my problem...but I'm drinking water and making good decisions. Not overeating. Not eating horribly fatty crap.

I just wish my mindset could always be firm. Could always be the "I CAN DO IT" attitude. I know it's not realistic to think like that...but it sure would be nice!!

I highly doubt I will have a loss this week. Unless some sort of weird miracle happens. ;) No ones fault but my own.

Gotta keep my eye on the prize. I can do this. Every healthy decision I make is a step in the right direction. This is a process...