Wow. I have been coasting for sure...I do have valid "excuses" of course...but you know, excuses suck. Even though I have felt like crap - I STILL could have eaten right!
So...that is that.
Thankfully I gained only 0.8 of a pound...but I need to get the heck out of the 190's...so...gotta work harder this week.
I have to get back to biking...get my basement under control and make room for a treadmill. I really want to do the Couch to 5k Program...but I need a treadmill first. Yes, I know I can run anywhere...but working full time and 2 children who are 4 and 5...you can't just go run whenever outside...so...a treadmill it is.
I want to show myself I'm going to BIKE and EXERCISE daily before I invest in the treadmill. I know I want it...but I need to get myself in the habit before I spend $$ to have a clothes hanger, you know? That may sound dumb...but it's the truth. I know me.
The weekend is upon me. It's gonna be a busy one but I'm looking foward to it being lots of fun!!
Happy Friday!! Here's to another week on the healthiness journey. Let's make it a good one. :)
PS - Have remained 100% faithful to my no pop and no candy Lent promises. SO proud of myself! :) :)
Friday, April 15, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Proud.
A few things that happened I'm proud of.
1. My weight this a.m. was 195.2. That was WHILE being bloated. I could see my hands were swollen from not enough water...so I'm hoping to see 194 tomorrow!!!! I kept my weight down over the weekend! YAY ME!
2. I RAN on the treadmill this weekend! I am dying for a treadmill...and there is one at my parents house. I got up Sunday morning...and went downstairs to try and brave it. I want to do the Couch to 5K program once I get a 'mill at home. Anyway, I decided I was gonna RUN baby! So...I walked a 1/4 mile to warm up, then started running. I ran 1/8, walked 1/8 of a mile over and over...I was SO proud I could run that far (don't laugh...that's far for me!)
I am feeling the "run" in my hips today though. The muscles on the front of my hips and sides...but it's a GOOD sore...like my body is saying "ahhh that is nice"! :) The whole time I ran I kept saying in my head..."you can do this...you can do ANYTHING you set your mind to!"
Here's to a great week of wise decisions and lots of moving! Happy Monday!
1. My weight this a.m. was 195.2. That was WHILE being bloated. I could see my hands were swollen from not enough water...so I'm hoping to see 194 tomorrow!!!! I kept my weight down over the weekend! YAY ME!
2. I RAN on the treadmill this weekend! I am dying for a treadmill...and there is one at my parents house. I got up Sunday morning...and went downstairs to try and brave it. I want to do the Couch to 5K program once I get a 'mill at home. Anyway, I decided I was gonna RUN baby! So...I walked a 1/4 mile to warm up, then started running. I ran 1/8, walked 1/8 of a mile over and over...I was SO proud I could run that far (don't laugh...that's far for me!)
I am feeling the "run" in my hips today though. The muscles on the front of my hips and sides...but it's a GOOD sore...like my body is saying "ahhh that is nice"! :) The whole time I ran I kept saying in my head..."you can do this...you can do ANYTHING you set your mind to!"
Here's to a great week of wise decisions and lots of moving! Happy Monday!
Friday, March 25, 2011
Plugging or is that Chugging Along?
Either way. I'm doing it.
Had a fan-freaking-tastic week. I have been eating like a champ, guzzling water like a fool, and even riding my bike. Everything together at once really works, you know?
Go figure.
Last week I chose to bury my head in the sand instead of post my weight. I was BACK up to 197. I was mad, but I had no one to blame but myself. I know what I did. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted, AS MUCH as I wanted. Stupid when you're trying to lose weight I suppose. I hate getting in that mindset. Thankfully, I seem to get that way less and less...and my "healthy" stretches get more and more often, for longer periods of time! Yay me! I think I'm getting it!
And...get this...
It's been a TWO AND A HALF WEEKS and I haven't had diet pop OR candy/chocolate!!!
Miraculous, really.
So...today showed a great loss of -2.0 which really is only a -0.6 from my lowest weight this year...but I'll take it. I realized this is the lowest weight I've been in over a year and THAT is something to be proud of!
On to a great weekend with the Hubs and Kids!
Happy Friday, peeps!
Oh yeah I did.
Had a fan-freaking-tastic week. I have been eating like a champ, guzzling water like a fool, and even riding my bike. Everything together at once really works, you know?
Go figure.
Last week I chose to bury my head in the sand instead of post my weight. I was BACK up to 197. I was mad, but I had no one to blame but myself. I know what I did. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted, AS MUCH as I wanted. Stupid when you're trying to lose weight I suppose. I hate getting in that mindset. Thankfully, I seem to get that way less and less...and my "healthy" stretches get more and more often, for longer periods of time! Yay me! I think I'm getting it!
And...get this...
It's been a TWO AND A HALF WEEKS and I haven't had diet pop OR candy/chocolate!!!
Miraculous, really.
So...today showed a great loss of -2.0 which really is only a -0.6 from my lowest weight this year...but I'll take it. I realized this is the lowest weight I've been in over a year and THAT is something to be proud of!
On to a great weekend with the Hubs and Kids!
Happy Friday, peeps!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
I'm here! :)
Should let so much time go by without saying something, anything...but I just don't have anything earth shattering to report.
Should I just be typing my feelings? Even when they seem to be the same feelings over and over and...well...over?
I was talking to the lovely and talented Jen yesterday. I was wondering about something. Where does the "root" of my issue come from? Sure, the people in my family weren't the healthiest growing up. I come from a family that loves food. But I remember as a kid...playing outside ALL day. Running, biking...and running some more. I loved it. Around 5th grade I started to pudge up...6th grade even more so. I found particular moments in my life where I realized I had a problem.
Sometime around 5th-6th grade:
. My uncle who I hadn't seen in a while (who by the way is an illiterate piece of white trash child molester - just sayin') says to me upon seeing me, "boy you're getting kind of fat aren't you?" I remember being horrified, angry and just plain hurt. Even at that age I thought WHAT? Who is HE to say anything to me about how I look? But most of all...it just hurt. I was what, 11 or 12?
. A teen in our youth group (older prob 17ish...cute...and deaf) was at our house for a youth party. I saw him signing with my aunt. He looked at an older family picture of me. He signed to her thin (pointing at the pic), then FAT and "what happened?". He was smiling/laughing at this. Making fun of a kid...nice. This was especially humiliating because I thought he was cute. REALLY cute. Broke my heart...and dang, just hurt. Even know typing this I can feel the hurt and humiliation.
. Sixth grade playground. I was on the tire swing...and another boy made a comment about me being fat. I remember slugging him...so good for me on that one...but still. Hurt, embarrassment...anger.
The question is...how did these things mold me into what I am today? And MOST importantly how do I "fix" it.
I know that I am loved. I have the most amazing, loving husband a girl could ever ask for. I've said in the past how he finds me beautiful and attractive no matter what weight I am at. That is a miracle to me. I don't understand it, but I sure am thankful. Even more important than my husbands love...I have the Father's love. I read scriptures and KNOW that He loves me deeper and stronger than anyone else ever could. Yet, I choose to look to other things to fill my "holes" in my heart.
I know this journey is about healthiness...but I also know my issues aren't solved by being a nice, healthy weight. I'd like to pretend they will be. I mean geez, being THIN? How can life be BAD at that size??
But then I remember...I remember being thin. I never thought I was beautiful or attractive. I wasn't self confident. I had a boyfriend yet cringed at the thought of him seeing my body without clothes. I was never comfortable in a bathing suit, etc.
Self worth. I know it's all tied in there somewhere. I know that the Lord is where my worth lies, in Him. Through His grace and mercy and love.
Self control. Another biggie. I was reading in Made to Crave about gluttony. Eating too much (like the 5 rice krispie treats I ate Tuesday night in one sitting - sigh...) at one time is a sin. We pretend it isn't...I mean it's just FOOD right? But isn't a person who drinks so much alcohol they become an alcoholic and destroy their body sinning? Truly? What about the drug addict? We as Christians tend to easily put labels on those people as needing the Lords deliverance...from overindulgence...yet we have our dinners and potlucks and keep eating. Destroying OUR bodies...yet not even seeing that we, too...are sinning.
Anyway, those are things that the Lord is showing me in this journey. I need to take them to heart. I need to live these things daily. Remember why I'm doing this...and keep drawing near to the Lord to help me fill the holes with His love. His acceptance. Not food.
Weight: 196.2 (grrrr...)
Should I just be typing my feelings? Even when they seem to be the same feelings over and over and...well...over?
I was talking to the lovely and talented Jen yesterday. I was wondering about something. Where does the "root" of my issue come from? Sure, the people in my family weren't the healthiest growing up. I come from a family that loves food. But I remember as a kid...playing outside ALL day. Running, biking...and running some more. I loved it. Around 5th grade I started to pudge up...6th grade even more so. I found particular moments in my life where I realized I had a problem.
Sometime around 5th-6th grade:
. My uncle who I hadn't seen in a while (who by the way is an illiterate piece of white trash child molester - just sayin') says to me upon seeing me, "boy you're getting kind of fat aren't you?" I remember being horrified, angry and just plain hurt. Even at that age I thought WHAT? Who is HE to say anything to me about how I look? But most of all...it just hurt. I was what, 11 or 12?
. A teen in our youth group (older prob 17ish...cute...and deaf) was at our house for a youth party. I saw him signing with my aunt. He looked at an older family picture of me. He signed to her thin (pointing at the pic), then FAT and "what happened?". He was smiling/laughing at this. Making fun of a kid...nice. This was especially humiliating because I thought he was cute. REALLY cute. Broke my heart...and dang, just hurt. Even know typing this I can feel the hurt and humiliation.
. Sixth grade playground. I was on the tire swing...and another boy made a comment about me being fat. I remember slugging him...so good for me on that one...but still. Hurt, embarrassment...anger.
The question is...how did these things mold me into what I am today? And MOST importantly how do I "fix" it.
I know that I am loved. I have the most amazing, loving husband a girl could ever ask for. I've said in the past how he finds me beautiful and attractive no matter what weight I am at. That is a miracle to me. I don't understand it, but I sure am thankful. Even more important than my husbands love...I have the Father's love. I read scriptures and KNOW that He loves me deeper and stronger than anyone else ever could. Yet, I choose to look to other things to fill my "holes" in my heart.
I know this journey is about healthiness...but I also know my issues aren't solved by being a nice, healthy weight. I'd like to pretend they will be. I mean geez, being THIN? How can life be BAD at that size??
But then I remember...I remember being thin. I never thought I was beautiful or attractive. I wasn't self confident. I had a boyfriend yet cringed at the thought of him seeing my body without clothes. I was never comfortable in a bathing suit, etc.
Self worth. I know it's all tied in there somewhere. I know that the Lord is where my worth lies, in Him. Through His grace and mercy and love.
Self control. Another biggie. I was reading in Made to Crave about gluttony. Eating too much (like the 5 rice krispie treats I ate Tuesday night in one sitting - sigh...) at one time is a sin. We pretend it isn't...I mean it's just FOOD right? But isn't a person who drinks so much alcohol they become an alcoholic and destroy their body sinning? Truly? What about the drug addict? We as Christians tend to easily put labels on those people as needing the Lords deliverance...from overindulgence...yet we have our dinners and potlucks and keep eating. Destroying OUR bodies...yet not even seeing that we, too...are sinning.
Anyway, those are things that the Lord is showing me in this journey. I need to take them to heart. I need to live these things daily. Remember why I'm doing this...and keep drawing near to the Lord to help me fill the holes with His love. His acceptance. Not food.
Weight: 196.2 (grrrr...)
Friday, March 11, 2011
Lent
This year as part of my "self control" theme I picked to "give up" two things. And hopefully it will "transform my world..." ;)
1 thing that's not BAD for me per say...and 1 thing is something I don't need at all.
Diet pop (or soda...lol) and candy. Candy = anything chocolate, or candy-like.
Diet pop is calorie free...but I know it's not healthy either. I've also heard it contributing to "bloating". I dunno if that's true or not...but figure I could stand to drink more water anyway. As for the candy...I tend to grab it in the evenings for NO reason. The kids have a candy bowl. I will grab things I don't even LIKE just to be munching on something. Stupid, pointless calories that my body doesn't need. Or my teeth for that matter! ;)
So...day three and we're on our way. Feeling good about "denying the flesh" of these things. I know it will only help me on my healthiness journey.
Had a nice loss today of -1.8. If only it wasn't just taking back what I gained last week....we'd have a winner. ;)
NEW GROUND THIS WEEK! I wanna make NEW GROUND.
Why is it I can seem to only do one part of healthiness or the other? Last week I did great with biking...but would munch on junk here and there...
This week? Eating fabulous...pumping water...and NO BIKING?
Man, if I could get those things together we'd be rockin', wouldn't we?
Happy Friday! Yay for a loss!!
Monday, March 7, 2011
Patterns.
Ignoring the gain didn't help.
I gained weight for Friday's weigh in. I slacked on eating. DID NOT DRINK MY WATER daily. And...to top it off I ate pizza the night before weigh in. Really? Pizza?
I see so many conflicting opinions on how to go about losing weight. I tend to go back and forth like the wind blows trying to figure out what I should do. How I should do it and on and on and on...
A part of me knows I tend to "rebel" when on a strict eating plan. A part of me thinks I need a strict eating plan.
Losing weight is burning more calories than you take in. Simple math, right? Eat less. Make better choices. Move more.
On the side bar you see every third week I show a gain. This corresponds with my lovely "friend"...but is frustrating nonetheless. A pattern I need to break.
I'm here. I am getting into my getting up early to bike groove. I actually enjoy those days more! Getting up, doing that...feeling accomplished when I start my day. I really would like a basic treadmill too...as another morning option. I would LOVE to try the couch to 5k program but KNOW I would never run outside where "people could see". I'm just not that comfortable. But someday I will be.
There is my jumbled mess of thoughts. On a good note, we have our dinners planned this week and I got our groceries bought at lunch time. That makes things easier! :)
Happy Monday.
I gained weight for Friday's weigh in. I slacked on eating. DID NOT DRINK MY WATER daily. And...to top it off I ate pizza the night before weigh in. Really? Pizza?
I see so many conflicting opinions on how to go about losing weight. I tend to go back and forth like the wind blows trying to figure out what I should do. How I should do it and on and on and on...
A part of me knows I tend to "rebel" when on a strict eating plan. A part of me thinks I need a strict eating plan.
Losing weight is burning more calories than you take in. Simple math, right? Eat less. Make better choices. Move more.
On the side bar you see every third week I show a gain. This corresponds with my lovely "friend"...but is frustrating nonetheless. A pattern I need to break.
I'm here. I am getting into my getting up early to bike groove. I actually enjoy those days more! Getting up, doing that...feeling accomplished when I start my day. I really would like a basic treadmill too...as another morning option. I would LOVE to try the couch to 5k program but KNOW I would never run outside where "people could see". I'm just not that comfortable. But someday I will be.
There is my jumbled mess of thoughts. On a good note, we have our dinners planned this week and I got our groceries bought at lunch time. That makes things easier! :)
Happy Monday.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Meh
Why is the journey to health like that? Is it just me? Are you really UP and ON IT or totally "meh" about it?
This is my life. I dislike it greatly. I know a person can't be HAPPY about being healthy all the time. Sometimes, the logistics and just thinking about it are irritating. This is life, right? The question is...how do you press on and press through when you feel like this?
No, I haven't gone off the deep end and been horrible or anything. I admit I haven't biked this week. And I NEED to. This may be part of my problem...but I'm drinking water and making good decisions. Not overeating. Not eating horribly fatty crap.
I just wish my mindset could always be firm. Could always be the "I CAN DO IT" attitude. I know it's not realistic to think like that...but it sure would be nice!!
I highly doubt I will have a loss this week. Unless some sort of weird miracle happens. ;) No ones fault but my own.
Gotta keep my eye on the prize. I can do this. Every healthy decision I make is a step in the right direction. This is a process...
This is my life. I dislike it greatly. I know a person can't be HAPPY about being healthy all the time. Sometimes, the logistics and just thinking about it are irritating. This is life, right? The question is...how do you press on and press through when you feel like this?
No, I haven't gone off the deep end and been horrible or anything. I admit I haven't biked this week. And I NEED to. This may be part of my problem...but I'm drinking water and making good decisions. Not overeating. Not eating horribly fatty crap.
I just wish my mindset could always be firm. Could always be the "I CAN DO IT" attitude. I know it's not realistic to think like that...but it sure would be nice!!
I highly doubt I will have a loss this week. Unless some sort of weird miracle happens. ;) No ones fault but my own.
Gotta keep my eye on the prize. I can do this. Every healthy decision I make is a step in the right direction. This is a process...
Friday, February 18, 2011
Goals Complete
Wow. That feels good!
I completed my goals this week! I exercised 3x (my minimum met - going to try and do Saturday too!) and I brought my lunch in 2x. Yay me.
Small steps, small steps.
I also saw a loss on the scale which was nice. I was HOPING to see 195.anything this morning...but alas, it was stuck at 196.0. Believe me, I got off/on multiple times (much to the Hubs amusement) trying to see 195...here's to 194 next week, right! Getting OUT of the 190's dang it!
Here's a fear...
I'm not going to make my mini-goal of 10 lbs lost by February 28. One week and three days to lose -3.6 lbs. (I think - I can't see my header right now...). I know it's POSSIBLE. But I know me, and I'm not sure it's PROBABLE. Gonna do the best I can to get there!
I feel weird today. Drugged almost. I'm not sure what THAT is about but it's annoying. I got up like a good lil' girl and biked this a.m. w/ Zac. Still not through that movie - but think one more sitting ought to do it! Afterward spent the morning feeling anxious, fighting a headache and feeling seriously lethargic. GO AWAY SICKIES GO AWAY! Or whatever the heck this is. We're having a huge weather change (low 50's in February is WEIRD here in the Great White North...) so maybe my allergies are all screwy?
I feel so old. Stupid aches and pains, meds, blah blah blah. Hoping as I become healthier and weight comes off these things won't effect me as much - if at all!
YAY for a healthy life!!
Now if I could only get rid of my freaking acne. What am I 15?! Proactiv...yeah, thanks for nothing.
Happy Friday!
I completed my goals this week! I exercised 3x (my minimum met - going to try and do Saturday too!) and I brought my lunch in 2x. Yay me.
Small steps, small steps.
I also saw a loss on the scale which was nice. I was HOPING to see 195.anything this morning...but alas, it was stuck at 196.0. Believe me, I got off/on multiple times (much to the Hubs amusement) trying to see 195...here's to 194 next week, right! Getting OUT of the 190's dang it!
Here's a fear...
I'm not going to make my mini-goal of 10 lbs lost by February 28. One week and three days to lose -3.6 lbs. (I think - I can't see my header right now...). I know it's POSSIBLE. But I know me, and I'm not sure it's PROBABLE. Gonna do the best I can to get there!
I feel weird today. Drugged almost. I'm not sure what THAT is about but it's annoying. I got up like a good lil' girl and biked this a.m. w/ Zac. Still not through that movie - but think one more sitting ought to do it! Afterward spent the morning feeling anxious, fighting a headache and feeling seriously lethargic. GO AWAY SICKIES GO AWAY! Or whatever the heck this is. We're having a huge weather change (low 50's in February is WEIRD here in the Great White North...) so maybe my allergies are all screwy?
I feel so old. Stupid aches and pains, meds, blah blah blah. Hoping as I become healthier and weight comes off these things won't effect me as much - if at all!
YAY for a healthy life!!
Now if I could only get rid of my freaking acne. What am I 15?! Proactiv...yeah, thanks for nothing.
Happy Friday!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Words
In a devotion I read recently...she talked about our words. We have the power of life and death through our words. It's a biblical truth.
Check it...
21 The tongue has the power of life and death,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.
Or the "down to earth" version I prefer...
21 Words kill, words give life;
they're either poison or fruit—you choose.
Wow. I think of all the times I doubt myself. And I speak it.
"I'll NEVER be thin!"
"I suck!"
"I'm a nutjob!"
"I can't get up on time!"
"I'll never accomplish this...or that..."
I'm poisoning my life. I have the power - through the Lord to do whatever I want to do.
To quote the Word again...
I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME.
Powerful. Insightful. Motivating!
I'm going to do this. One day at a time. One step at time. One decision at a time. One BITE at a time.
I will be healthy. There's so much more to life than wallowing in feelings of failure and defeat. I intend to start living fully.
Starting now.
Check it...
Proverbs 18:21 (New International Version, ©2010)
21 The tongue has the power of life and death,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.
Or the "down to earth" version I prefer...
Proverbs 18:21 (The Message)
21 Words kill, words give life;
they're either poison or fruit—you choose.
Wow. I think of all the times I doubt myself. And I speak it.
"I'll NEVER be thin!"
"I suck!"
"I'm a nutjob!"
"I can't get up on time!"
"I'll never accomplish this...or that..."
I'm poisoning my life. I have the power - through the Lord to do whatever I want to do.
To quote the Word again...
I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME.
Powerful. Insightful. Motivating!
I'm going to do this. One day at a time. One step at time. One decision at a time. One BITE at a time.
I will be healthy. There's so much more to life than wallowing in feelings of failure and defeat. I intend to start living fully.
Starting now.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Day Two of Biking
News Flash!
I've found I can't lose weight without exercise. Go figure. Anyway, I always thought I could "work it in" the day somehow. Working full time, then coming home to a 3 and 5 year old...making dinner, spending time with them, baths, etc...by the time 8 o'clock rolls around and they're in bed...I DO NOT wanna go downstairs and work out. I was fooling myself.
So...I asked the Hubs for help. Yes, I've asked for help in the past. A little bit about me...I well, um how do I say this...
I ADORE SLEEP. It's actually listed as a fave pasttime of mine. Bored? Sleep! Stressed? Sleep!
Getting up in the morning when the alarm first goes off...NOT IN MY NATURE. My nature? Hit snooze a gazillion times until I'm running late.
Geez, I'm on a bunny trail here...anyway the point is I asked Hubs to help get me up when he does (5:45-6 a.m.) to exercise.
He got REALLY quiet.
Then he finally responded...
"YOU HAVE ONE STRIKE"
Um, what? So he explains...
Honey, I have tried this in the past when you've asked. You snap at me. Or don't get up. I'm NOT doing it anymore...so...the first time you bite my head off...or lay there...I'm DONE! One strike. That's it.
Dang...okay then. If I want his help (and I do! I need accountability...) I have to get up.
I'm proud to say...today was day 2 of me getting up. I go right downstairs and ride my lil' bike while watching a movie.
My current pleasure?
Well played, Zac. Well played.
Hey, it keeps me moving, okay?
The scale is moving in the right direction too. ;)
Game on.
I've found I can't lose weight without exercise. Go figure. Anyway, I always thought I could "work it in" the day somehow. Working full time, then coming home to a 3 and 5 year old...making dinner, spending time with them, baths, etc...by the time 8 o'clock rolls around and they're in bed...I DO NOT wanna go downstairs and work out. I was fooling myself.
So...I asked the Hubs for help. Yes, I've asked for help in the past. A little bit about me...I well, um how do I say this...
I ADORE SLEEP. It's actually listed as a fave pasttime of mine. Bored? Sleep! Stressed? Sleep!
Getting up in the morning when the alarm first goes off...NOT IN MY NATURE. My nature? Hit snooze a gazillion times until I'm running late.
Geez, I'm on a bunny trail here...anyway the point is I asked Hubs to help get me up when he does (5:45-6 a.m.) to exercise.
He got REALLY quiet.
Then he finally responded...
"YOU HAVE ONE STRIKE"
Um, what? So he explains...
Honey, I have tried this in the past when you've asked. You snap at me. Or don't get up. I'm NOT doing it anymore...so...the first time you bite my head off...or lay there...I'm DONE! One strike. That's it.
Dang...okay then. If I want his help (and I do! I need accountability...) I have to get up.
I'm proud to say...today was day 2 of me getting up. I go right downstairs and ride my lil' bike while watching a movie.
My current pleasure?
Hey, it keeps me moving, okay?
The scale is moving in the right direction too. ;)
Game on.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Fruits of the Spirit
I blog at work...and work has been BUSY! So...I'm taking a moment to blog. I need to keep doing this, journal my thoughts and feelings and work through them.
I have been thinking a lot about the fruit of the Spirit lately. The one that jumps out at me is SELF-CONTROL. I should be exhibiting these characteristics as a child of God. I see my need for the self control. I see how all areas of my life have "holes" or "failures" due to lack of self control. I've been praying the last few days for the Lord to help me in this...I know He can...but I have to do MY part too. I have to work hard.
Eating is going well. I have been making good decisions and drinking lots of water. What I haven't been doing is BIKING. I NEED TO BE BIKING. Exercise makes me stronger and just over all FEEL BETTER! :) Why would I slack off on that!??
So...I'm making a mini-goal for myself to push myself through the end of this month. I have to be down 10 lbs. for the year by Monday, February 28. That's 2.5 weeks and 4ish pounds.
With self control...and wisdom...I can do this. Gotta move on to some new ground and quit screwing around with the 190's.
I have been thinking a lot about the fruit of the Spirit lately. The one that jumps out at me is SELF-CONTROL. I should be exhibiting these characteristics as a child of God. I see my need for the self control. I see how all areas of my life have "holes" or "failures" due to lack of self control. I've been praying the last few days for the Lord to help me in this...I know He can...but I have to do MY part too. I have to work hard.
Eating is going well. I have been making good decisions and drinking lots of water. What I haven't been doing is BIKING. I NEED TO BE BIKING. Exercise makes me stronger and just over all FEEL BETTER! :) Why would I slack off on that!??
So...I'm making a mini-goal for myself to push myself through the end of this month. I have to be down 10 lbs. for the year by Monday, February 28. That's 2.5 weeks and 4ish pounds.
With self control...and wisdom...I can do this. Gotta move on to some new ground and quit screwing around with the 190's.
Monday, February 7, 2011
I will survive.
I'm here! I had a Thursday weigh-in last week with a teensy loss. 196.8. Better than a gain...but I definitely didn't do what I COULD have all week.
My son had to have surgery on Friday - he's five - so that was stressful. I had anxiety attacks on and off all that week trying to make it through. Through the grace of God and loads of prayers I did wonderfully and could be strong for him on Friday. Thank you Lord for that! :)
He's perfectly fine now...but I must say my eating was OFF this past weekend. I maybe had 2 glasses of water all weekend and I definitely feel it. I feel more bloated, and THIRSTY. When yesterday I realized what my problem was and started drinking water...it tasted SO good! Why do I deprive myself like that when at home? Things to work on ... for sure!
This week is a new week. I need to kick butt this week and get a 2 lb. loss.
I CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!
My son had to have surgery on Friday - he's five - so that was stressful. I had anxiety attacks on and off all that week trying to make it through. Through the grace of God and loads of prayers I did wonderfully and could be strong for him on Friday. Thank you Lord for that! :)
He's perfectly fine now...but I must say my eating was OFF this past weekend. I maybe had 2 glasses of water all weekend and I definitely feel it. I feel more bloated, and THIRSTY. When yesterday I realized what my problem was and started drinking water...it tasted SO good! Why do I deprive myself like that when at home? Things to work on ... for sure!
This week is a new week. I need to kick butt this week and get a 2 lb. loss.
I CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
No more water
Icky poo. I'm not feeling the "water" thing today. Yes, I am still drinking it...got 64 ozs. down so far. Sometimes a girl just wants an icy Coke, you know?
Did well last night. I rode my bike for 30 minutes. I needed some encouragment but Jen brought me through. Yay for that small feat. I also started journaling my food again yesterday. I ended up at a higher caloric intake than I thought (1590)...so I'm sure this is why my losses aren't coming. It feels like I'm eating less, but when you add it up...I'm still racking more calories than I should in a day. So...this will hopefully help me to be better about choosing food wisely.
I did have a mini-fail today. I woke up late (no fault but my own...) so I had to don the dreaded baseball cap and ran into work w/ no makeup. Let me just tell you right now...that is NOT a pretty sight. I did however, get my makeup on fairly quickly after I got here...
Onward we go.
Did well last night. I rode my bike for 30 minutes. I needed some encouragment but Jen brought me through. Yay for that small feat. I also started journaling my food again yesterday. I ended up at a higher caloric intake than I thought (1590)...so I'm sure this is why my losses aren't coming. It feels like I'm eating less, but when you add it up...I'm still racking more calories than I should in a day. So...this will hopefully help me to be better about choosing food wisely.
I did have a mini-fail today. I woke up late (no fault but my own...) so I had to don the dreaded baseball cap and ran into work w/ no makeup. Let me just tell you right now...that is NOT a pretty sight. I did however, get my makeup on fairly quickly after I got here...
Onward we go.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Bound up.
Gross but true. I swear I didn't go the bathroom barely at all this weekend! What IS that?!?! Today however, I'm back in the game...extra sucky when you're at work. Let's just move my desk in there...shall we?
My weekend in a word was "undiciplined". Saturday night I had 1.5 pieces of deep dish pizza and a breadstick. Barely any water. Sunday we had a kids birthday party...I ate a sloppy joe, baked beans, cheetos and fritos. Oh, and a piece of cake and scoop of ice cream. Brilliant, eh? I just didn't want to care. I didn't want to think about it. A trap in the past. Something I slide into. I'm catching myself right here. Today is a new day. It's also a new week. Some goals this week are...
1. Exercise 5 days. 30 minutes minimum.
2. Drink at least 80 ozs of water a day.
3. GET READY for work daily. Meaning makeup and nice clothes. No baseball caps and makeup when I get to work.
4. Tracking ALL my food/calories.
I need to SEE what I'm putting in my mouth and be accountable for it. I need to SEE why on Friday if I don't see a nice loss...WHAT I did wrong that week. I'm still very frustrated about last Friday. I know, get over it already...but it's hard. I felt like I was a FREAKING ROCK STAR all week...to no avail!
Ugh. It's a new day! :) Thankfully the scale showed me mercy this a.m. and I was 198.6. No more 200's. NO MORE.
Here's to a great week ahead...
My weekend in a word was "undiciplined". Saturday night I had 1.5 pieces of deep dish pizza and a breadstick. Barely any water. Sunday we had a kids birthday party...I ate a sloppy joe, baked beans, cheetos and fritos. Oh, and a piece of cake and scoop of ice cream. Brilliant, eh? I just didn't want to care. I didn't want to think about it. A trap in the past. Something I slide into. I'm catching myself right here. Today is a new day. It's also a new week. Some goals this week are...
1. Exercise 5 days. 30 minutes minimum.
2. Drink at least 80 ozs of water a day.
3. GET READY for work daily. Meaning makeup and nice clothes. No baseball caps and makeup when I get to work.
4. Tracking ALL my food/calories.
I need to SEE what I'm putting in my mouth and be accountable for it. I need to SEE why on Friday if I don't see a nice loss...WHAT I did wrong that week. I'm still very frustrated about last Friday. I know, get over it already...but it's hard. I felt like I was a FREAKING ROCK STAR all week...to no avail!
Ugh. It's a new day! :) Thankfully the scale showed me mercy this a.m. and I was 198.6. No more 200's. NO MORE.
Here's to a great week ahead...
Friday, January 28, 2011
"Failure"
It went like this...I spent the week being mindful of my choices. Chugging water. Eating tons of veggies. I spent yesterday struggling allllll day worrying about the baby shower I had to attend. I talked it out with Jen and she gave me all the encouragement I needed. I wore a RED rubber band around my wrist to remember not to eat at the shower. I had eaten dinner before I left you see? I was SO worried about cheating I even brushed my teeth before I went. I made it through the shower with SUCCESS. I was feeling GOOD about this morning. Today...
Weigh in day.
I was so hopeful. SO ready to see a BIG loss this week. I am feeling thinner. (Yes, I know I'm NOT actually thinner yet...but just the confident feeling you get when you're eating right and not all bloated to heck!) I had "gained" a pound last week. I should EASILY see that gone...plus more...
Right?
I woke up feeling excited! I was chugging along! I was making PROGRESS! I was GOING DOWN on that scale!! YAY FOR ME!
And then...I stepped on the scale.
197.6.
Wait a second. I was 197.2 yesterday a.m. I ate well all day. No sodium ladden foods. I drank my water. I refrained at the baby shower...
What?
I got back on the scale again. Surely it was a mistake.
197.6.
I got off again. And on again. And off again...
FOUR TIMES I did this. I am 197.6.
I started talking out loud. Talking to the Lord, knowing I'm making progress. Knowing HE is in control. I know it's a PROCESS. I know it's not immediate. I do know these things...so I kept my head held high. Got ready for work, had a fabulous morning...it's okay I thought. I'm doing this. I'll get there.
Then I got here...to work...and I opened this blog. I opened my stats section. I typed in my weight...and noted my "loss". It feels like failure. I started to tear up (a feat for me...let me tell you...haha). HOW did I only lose BARELY a half a pound?! HOW?! I am angry. I want to cry. The small part of me I was suppressing that was DESTROYED by my "failure" on the scale was now SCREAMING at me.
"It's not fair!!!" She yelled. "I denyed myself this week!" "I ate GOOD things!" "I made GOOD CHOICES!"
I'm not going to pretend I feel good about this. I'm TRYING to see the bigger picture. I am constantly being shown that this is a process. Through my reading. Through the radio. I'm trying to learn to draw near to Him. The GOAL is spiritual growth, losing weight is just going to be a by-product...I "know" these things. I really do.
...but it's still a TOTAL BUMMER to work physically hard for diddly squat.
I'm not quitting. I'm not giving up. I'm pressing on.
This journey is about self control. That is being beaten into my head time and time again. Maybe this is a part of learning...
Onto the weekend. I'm going to have a good, healthy one!
Weigh in day.
I was so hopeful. SO ready to see a BIG loss this week. I am feeling thinner. (Yes, I know I'm NOT actually thinner yet...but just the confident feeling you get when you're eating right and not all bloated to heck!) I had "gained" a pound last week. I should EASILY see that gone...plus more...
Right?
I woke up feeling excited! I was chugging along! I was making PROGRESS! I was GOING DOWN on that scale!! YAY FOR ME!
And then...I stepped on the scale.
197.6.
Wait a second. I was 197.2 yesterday a.m. I ate well all day. No sodium ladden foods. I drank my water. I refrained at the baby shower...
What?
I got back on the scale again. Surely it was a mistake.
197.6.
I got off again. And on again. And off again...
FOUR TIMES I did this. I am 197.6.
I started talking out loud. Talking to the Lord, knowing I'm making progress. Knowing HE is in control. I know it's a PROCESS. I know it's not immediate. I do know these things...so I kept my head held high. Got ready for work, had a fabulous morning...it's okay I thought. I'm doing this. I'll get there.
Then I got here...to work...and I opened this blog. I opened my stats section. I typed in my weight...and noted my "loss". It feels like failure. I started to tear up (a feat for me...let me tell you...haha). HOW did I only lose BARELY a half a pound?! HOW?! I am angry. I want to cry. The small part of me I was suppressing that was DESTROYED by my "failure" on the scale was now SCREAMING at me.
"It's not fair!!!" She yelled. "I denyed myself this week!" "I ate GOOD things!" "I made GOOD CHOICES!"
I'm not going to pretend I feel good about this. I'm TRYING to see the bigger picture. I am constantly being shown that this is a process. Through my reading. Through the radio. I'm trying to learn to draw near to Him. The GOAL is spiritual growth, losing weight is just going to be a by-product...I "know" these things. I really do.
...but it's still a TOTAL BUMMER to work physically hard for diddly squat.
I'm not quitting. I'm not giving up. I'm pressing on.
This journey is about self control. That is being beaten into my head time and time again. Maybe this is a part of learning...
Onto the weekend. I'm going to have a good, healthy one!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Fear not!
I am afraid.
I have a baby shower tonight to attend. You know what that entails...yummy food. Candies, cakes...punch...
Scary for someone with a. little self control and b. who has to weigh in tomorrow.
I know I can defeat this. I know I can eat before I go. I CAN. But it's still scary to put yourselves in situations you're unsure of so early in the game. Before you're resolve is fully built. It's a success for failure for the old me. But...this is a new day. I am strong. I choose to be strong. I WILL choose to make healthy choices daily. I will eat before I go. I will NOT eat sweets of any kind. I will drink WATER or diet pop at the shower. I can do this.
I had church last night...during worship service I just let the Lord fill me. I worshipped Him. I'm learning that I am going to HAVE to hold on to Him to do this. I prayed all the way to work...today is His. I am His. I am drawing near to Him and learning about me...the me HE created me to be. I am loved. I am cherished. I am worthy of good things. I am beautiful. I need to start living like I believe those things. Loving MYSELF the way He loves me.
I will not be afraid - because greater is He that is IN ME...than he that is in the world! (Or the cake...)
I have a baby shower tonight to attend. You know what that entails...yummy food. Candies, cakes...punch...
Scary for someone with a. little self control and b. who has to weigh in tomorrow.
I know I can defeat this. I know I can eat before I go. I CAN. But it's still scary to put yourselves in situations you're unsure of so early in the game. Before you're resolve is fully built. It's a success for failure for the old me. But...this is a new day. I am strong. I choose to be strong. I WILL choose to make healthy choices daily. I will eat before I go. I will NOT eat sweets of any kind. I will drink WATER or diet pop at the shower. I can do this.
I had church last night...during worship service I just let the Lord fill me. I worshipped Him. I'm learning that I am going to HAVE to hold on to Him to do this. I prayed all the way to work...today is His. I am His. I am drawing near to Him and learning about me...the me HE created me to be. I am loved. I am cherished. I am worthy of good things. I am beautiful. I need to start living like I believe those things. Loving MYSELF the way He loves me.
I will not be afraid - because greater is He that is IN ME...than he that is in the world! (Or the cake...)
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
New Ground...
Saw 197.2 this a.m. on the scale. I weighed that on Friday, January 14. Onto NEW GROUND for this Friday's weigh in, shall we? Yeah for moving down in the right direction!
Two great things I read last night in this book...
Two great things I read last night in this book...
1. "I consume food. Food does NOT consume me." Basic yet, oh so powerful! Think about it!! It's food. Fuel for our bodies. It's not something that heals us. It's not a person who can hug us, listen to us. It's FUEL. Plain and simple. Let go and let it be what it is...fuel.
2. Everytime I get a craving for something unhealthy...PRAY instead. By letting the Lord meet my need and denying food it's hold on me...I am accomplishing something BIG. I am letting Him meet my needs! This is the root of it all...
I can do this. I will do this. Great book - I highly recommend and I'm only on Chapter 3! :)
This is the day the Lord has made - I will REJOICE and be glad in it! I am made in HIS image, I'm going to start treating myself like I'm HIS. I'm worth more than JUNK in and out day after day!
Monday, January 24, 2011
Weekend Success!
I did it!
I kept my weight down this weekend. I didn't OVEREAT. Yay me! I did have a minor fail and didn't get my daily water in...but was happy to see the scale stayed at 198.8 this a.m.
This is the first weekend of the year that it hasn't crept up back over 200. This week I am going to make progress and hit new ground!!!
I had the Hubs take "before" pictures this weekend. Once I'm down a bit I will share them with the world. I am embarrassed that this is how I look. Embarrassed for him to take them...even though he sees me daily, at my worst, and without clothing. Something about "documenting" your "flaws" or "failure" is just sad and embarrassing.
I'm so thankful that I have a loving husband who loves me for ME...in spite of me being heavy, he is always supportive no matter what weight I am at. This is a double edged sword in a way... ;)
Anyway, on to new ground this week!
Oh! I got my book in - Made to Crave. I am so excited to start reading, to go Deeper in Christ and find my purpose in HIM. Not in food, or emotional eating...and knowing with His strength, I will be successful in getting to a healthy weight.
I kept my weight down this weekend. I didn't OVEREAT. Yay me! I did have a minor fail and didn't get my daily water in...but was happy to see the scale stayed at 198.8 this a.m.
This is the first weekend of the year that it hasn't crept up back over 200. This week I am going to make progress and hit new ground!!!
I had the Hubs take "before" pictures this weekend. Once I'm down a bit I will share them with the world. I am embarrassed that this is how I look. Embarrassed for him to take them...even though he sees me daily, at my worst, and without clothing. Something about "documenting" your "flaws" or "failure" is just sad and embarrassing.
I'm so thankful that I have a loving husband who loves me for ME...in spite of me being heavy, he is always supportive no matter what weight I am at. This is a double edged sword in a way... ;)
Anyway, on to new ground this week!
Oh! I got my book in - Made to Crave. I am so excited to start reading, to go Deeper in Christ and find my purpose in HIM. Not in food, or emotional eating...and knowing with His strength, I will be successful in getting to a healthy weight.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Testing will surely come...
Planning is something I admit, I stink at. I can plan for everyone else in my family...but not for myself. I set myself up for failure today at lunch.
Instead of my usual lunch run, I ran home to get some stuff together and clean up the house a bit while it was empty. This left me shaky and starving with nothing quick to grab in the house to eat. As I headed back to work I went back and forth in my head the healthy options I could pick up. All required me to actually GET OUT of my car and go get them. The one option I could "drive through"? McDonalds.
First mistake.
Looking at the menu and seeing the new fruit oatmeal they were serving (ALL DAY) which I think looks delicious..."try that!" the thin girl inside SCREAMED at me... The fat girl yelled back "but that's NOT ENOUGH to fill you up...you have a lonnnnng afternoon ahead". "But it LOOKS GOOD" screamed the thin girl! "Not enough FOOD!" fought the fat girl.
Fat girl won.
I ordered my old standby. Double cheeseburger, medium fry, diet coke.
I drove away starving and angry. WHY did I just do that? I grabbed a fry. It tasted gross. Plain. I opened the cheeseburger. Took a bite. Not even good. I'm feeling sick so I work on the burger and finish all but a few bites of the bun. I ate a few more fries (maybe 8 total) and threw it away.
Partial thin girl victory I suppose. But why did I even do it? Because I didn't prepare. Because I let myself get to the shaking, starving place. I can't think straight when I'm there.
Now I'm left still partially hungry because I threw the food away out of guilt (good move). I have healthier options here I can snack on.
I have to do better. I will do better.
Instead of my usual lunch run, I ran home to get some stuff together and clean up the house a bit while it was empty. This left me shaky and starving with nothing quick to grab in the house to eat. As I headed back to work I went back and forth in my head the healthy options I could pick up. All required me to actually GET OUT of my car and go get them. The one option I could "drive through"? McDonalds.
First mistake.
Looking at the menu and seeing the new fruit oatmeal they were serving (ALL DAY) which I think looks delicious..."try that!" the thin girl inside SCREAMED at me... The fat girl yelled back "but that's NOT ENOUGH to fill you up...you have a lonnnnng afternoon ahead". "But it LOOKS GOOD" screamed the thin girl! "Not enough FOOD!" fought the fat girl.
Fat girl won.
I ordered my old standby. Double cheeseburger, medium fry, diet coke.
I drove away starving and angry. WHY did I just do that? I grabbed a fry. It tasted gross. Plain. I opened the cheeseburger. Took a bite. Not even good. I'm feeling sick so I work on the burger and finish all but a few bites of the bun. I ate a few more fries (maybe 8 total) and threw it away.
Partial thin girl victory I suppose. But why did I even do it? Because I didn't prepare. Because I let myself get to the shaking, starving place. I can't think straight when I'm there.
Now I'm left still partially hungry because I threw the food away out of guilt (good move). I have healthier options here I can snack on.
I have to do better. I will do better.
Weigh In #3
Was a freaking bust! I even busted my butt last night on my bike...
I thought I had an okay week...I think I overdid it on the sodium. I can't have setbacks this early in the game...I have "25" lbs to lose! :) (That was for you, oh, weight loss sister of mine...)
I have slacked this week on journaling...so back to it I go.
NO OVEREATING THIS WEEKEND! No CHEATING WITH JUNK THIS WEEKEND! I am NOT going to weigh 200 lbs again on Monday morning!
I thought I had an okay week...I think I overdid it on the sodium. I can't have setbacks this early in the game...I have "25" lbs to lose! :) (That was for you, oh, weight loss sister of mine...)
I have slacked this week on journaling...so back to it I go.
NO OVEREATING THIS WEEKEND! No CHEATING WITH JUNK THIS WEEKEND! I am NOT going to weigh 200 lbs again on Monday morning!
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